When You’re Exhausted But Can’t Slow Down: The Hidden Cost of Always Keeping It Together
Hi, I’m Brittany—a therapist and art therapist in Richmond, VA, working with high-achieving women and queer folks who look like they’ve got it all together… but feel like they’re quietly unraveling.
Maybe that sounds like you.
You’re the dependable one. The organizer. The peacekeeper.
You keep the calendar running, anticipate everyone’s needs, and show up no matter how drained you feel.
You're the emotional glue holding everything together—at work, at home, in your relationships.
And you are so tired.
Not just tired in a “need a nap” kind of way.
Tired in your bones. Tired in your soul.
Tired in a way that doesn’t go away—even when you do get a break.
But here's the catch: even when there is a moment to slow down, it doesn’t feel like you can.
Because somewhere along the way, you learned that rest = letting people down.
That asking for help = being a burden.
That slowing down = falling apart.
Sound familiar?
If so, you’re not broken.
You may have just been stuck in survival mode longer than you realize.
The Invisible Load of Being “The One Who Handles It”
Let me ask you something:
How long have you been the one who keeps it all going?
You remember the birthdays.
You refill the toilet paper.
You pick up the emotional slack and say “it’s fine” when it’s not.
At work, you’re the one who fixes things.
At home, you’re the one who holds the details.
In relationships, you give and give—and feel guilty even noticing how little comes back.
You’ve done it for so long, it feels normal. Expected.
But just because you can carry it all doesn’t mean you should have to.
What I see in therapy all the time is this:
👉 Underneath the over-functioning and perfectionism is a part of you that just wants to exhale.
And therapy gives that part space to finally breathe.
When Guilt Gets in the Way of Rest
Here’s what no one tells you: rest isn’t always relaxing.
Sometimes, when you finally slow down, your body gets restless.
Your mind starts spinning. The guilt creeps in:
“I should be doing something.”
“Other people don’t get to rest.”
“If I stop, everything might fall apart.”
This isn’t a flaw.
It’s a nervous system that’s been trained to stay on high alert.
A lot of high-achieving women and LGBTQ+ clients I work with in Richmond tell me the same thing:
Stress feels familiar. Chaos, they can handle.
They’ve learned how to live in that space. They know how to push through, keep going, stay in motion.
But the idea of rest? Of pausing?
That feels foreign—maybe even unsafe.
Because taking a breath, being still, slowing down…
Those things were never modeled. They were never allowed.
And when love felt conditional on performance, rest started to feel like a risk.
So of course it feels scary.
Not because there’s something wrong with you—
But because no one ever taught you how to feel safe without being busy.
Therapy doesn’t push you to rest before you’re ready.
It helps your body remember that you’re allowed to slow down.
That your needs matter.
That the world won’t fall apart just because you do.
Overwhelm Isn’t a Personal Failure
It’s a sign you’ve been carrying too much for too long.
When you spend your life:
Anticipating everyone’s needs
Avoiding conflict
Saying yes when you want to say no
Pretending you’re fine when you’re not…
Eventually, your body lets you know when this all becomes way too much.
The irritability. The tension. The feeling like you’re always one step from snapping.
This isn’t about you not trying hard enough.
It’s about how hard you’ve already been trying—for everyone else.
In therapy, we name those patterns.
We get curious about the roles you’ve been playing.
And we start carving out space for you in your own life.
The Guilt You Feel? It’s a Signal, Not a Stop Sign
Let me say something I remind my clients of all the time:
Guilt doesn’t always mean you’ve done something wrong.
Sometimes it just means you’re doing something new.
If you’ve been praised your whole life for being agreeable, low-maintenance, and self-sacrificing…
Then resting, asking for help, or setting boundaries might feel wrong.
But it’s not wrong—it’s just unfamiliar.
You’re allowed to want space.
You’re allowed to not be “on” all the time.
You’re allowed to want more.
Not because you’ve earned it.
But because you’re human.
What Therapy Can Look Like
If we work together, I’m not going to hand you a worksheet and nod politely.
I show up as my full self—so you can feel safe enough to do the same.
This isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach.
Some sessions are deep and emotional. Some are creative and expressive. Some are skill-building and grounding. Most are a mix of all three.
Here’s what our work might include:
🌀 Reconnecting With Your Emotions
You might be so used to pushing your feelings aside that you don’t even notice them anymore.
We’ll slow down and get curious about what’s really happening beneath the surface—anger, grief, hope, desire—so you can feel more like you.
🧠 Unpacking the Inner Critic
We all have that voice: “You’re too much.” “You’re not doing enough.” “You’re the problem.”
Using Internal Family Systems (IFS) and other trauma-informed tools, we’ll explore where those voices came from—and how to quiet them with compassion.
🌱 Practicing a New Relationship With Rest
Rest doesn’t have to be earned. It doesn’t make you weak.
We’ll build a relationship with rest that feels safe—not selfish—so your body can learn that slowing down is allowed.
🖌 Art Therapy When Words Fall Short
You don’t need to be “artistic” to benefit from creative expression.
Sometimes collage, color, or scribbles say what words can’t.
Art therapy gives voice to the parts of you that have been silenced.
What If You Didn’t Have to Hold It All?
Seriously—what would it feel like to:
Not be the one who remembers everything?
Say “I need help” and actually receive it?
Let something drop and not panic?
Rest without guilt?
I’m not promising therapy will fix everything overnight.
But it can be the first space where you’re allowed to stop performing.
Where you don’t have to be perfect.
Where the messy, tired, beautiful, real version of you is finally welcomed.
You’re Not Failing at Balance. You’re Surviving a System That Doesn’t Support You
The world doesn’t often make space for women and queer folks to be human.
You’ve been taught to be:
Helpful
Pleasant
Productive
Easy to love
So of course it feels hard to say, “I need a break.”
But that’s what therapy is for.
It’s a place to practice a new way of being—one where your worth isn’t tied to what you do, but who you are.
What Makes My Therapy Style Different
I’m not a blank-slate therapist.
I bring warmth, humor, and honest reflection into our sessions.
My approach is LGBTQ-affirming, trauma-informed, and creative.
Whether we’re talking or making art, we’ll follow what’s most supportive for you.
If you’ve been looking for therapy that helps you feel more connected to yourself—not just more “functional”—you’re in the right place.
Ready to Reclaim Your Energy?
Anxiety and Trauma Therapist, Brittany Deutch, smiling in a therapy session.
You don’t have to keep pretending you’re fine.
You don’t have to carry it all alone.
You don’t have to put yourself last.
If you’re in Richmond, VA—or anywhere in Virginia or Florida—I’d love to support you.
💬 Schedule a free 20-minute discovery call
Let’s talk about what’s not working.
Let’s talk about what rest could look like.
Let’s talk about the version of you that doesn’t have to hold it all.
Because you’re allowed to want more.
And you don’t have to earn it.